Opinion Piece: Valentine’s Day From the Eyes of a Wife, first published on Latina On a Mission

Married Couple©Crazy80frog | Stock Free Images & Dreamstime Stock Photos

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and I feel the  pressure mounting. Valentine’s Day comes with expectations.  In my heart, I know I’m setting myself up for disappointment. Yet, it doesn’t matter. Valentine’s Day is a test day for me – to see how we, as a married couple, are doing. Have we changed? Are we taking each other for granted? Are we still romantic with one another? Valentine’s Day is my gauge in the relationship meter.

Many women fortunately get excited but I get apprehensive. Will he get me a great Valentine gift? Will he even remember? I start to think will I be pleasantly surprised or will I just get pissed off?

I remember one Valentine’s Day where we had a HUGE fight. What set it off, you wonder? He asked me “so, what do you want to do today?” I wanted to punch him in the head.

With all the rushing home after work and checking into my second job of wife and mom, all I want is for him to think ahead. I am not high maintenance. I actually require very little. I know dinner out may be difficult with children in the mix or it may be expensive with restaurants hiking up their prices because of the holiday and I take that into consideration. I am fine with a pretty box of chocolates, a heartfelt hug and kiss, his picking me up from work, and a little alone time. But no, I get “so, what do you want to do today?”

Man w. flowers taking lead | Latina On a MissionDecisions are what I make all day – at work, during my commute, with my children. I run this ship. On Valentine’s Day, I don’t want to be the boss or the leader. I want to be the follower. Please take the lead, show me a lovely time.

Part of my apprehension is the day after Valentine’s Day when friends and coworkers ask, “What did you do for Valentine’s?” or “Where did your honey take you?” Wondering if I’ll I have something interesting to say, or have to dodge the question, causes a pit in my stomach.  I’m a terrible liar.  More than not, I’ll just come clean and say, “Eh, it was alright”.

I want to say, my husband is a great guy. He’s funny and charming. He picks me up from wherever, whenever. I can always count on him to “save” me from my screw-ups. But the truth is he is not the most well planned out person – unlike me. I think ahead. I jot down birthdays and special events. If I see a gift that seems to fit someone in my life (including his side of the family), I purchase it and save it for a special occasion in which to give it to them. With my two jobs, I still have time to do these things. I still have time to get him a special gift. He’s had time. Valentine’s Day falls on the same day every year. Yet, every Valentine’s Day I’m left wondering … what will he do?

I know you should never expect for someone to be the way you want them to be – your setting yourself up for a let down. You must choose to accept them for who and what they are. This is what I say when dishing out advice to my friends. Truth is, I seriously need to take my own advice.

Now don’t feel bad for me. I have accepted the fact that the red carpet will not roll out for me on Valentines Day. I know I am putting a whole lot of weight on this one day especially when the other 364 days of the year he’s pretty cool.  We have a good time together. I need to appreciate all the little Valentine gestures throughout the year. He shows me his love with the errands he runs for me, the people he speaks to on my behalf, and when he picks up my favorite ice cream, to name a few. His love is not only expressed on Valentine’s Day but all year round.

With all that, I still can’t help but wonder, did we pass the test?


Let me know your thoughts. Can you relate? What do you love or not love about Valentine’s Day?