Life

Oct

1

5 Tips To Help Single Moms Raise Sons

by Migdalia Rivera

As a child, I played with dolls. I had all types of dolls. Dolls that drank from a bottle, wet their diapers and called me “Mama”. They listened when I talked, sat still as I read bedtime stories and went to bed when I said they should. They never complained, rolled their eyes or sassed off. They were perfect.

Fast forward several years and real life burst that bubble of motherhood.

Migdalia Rivera & Sons | Latina On a Mission

I now have two rambunctious sons. They are very different from the dolls I grew up with. They don’t sit when they go to the restroom, don’t need their hair wrapped and can’t go shoe shopping with me. They make loud noises and release foul odors at the most inappropriate time. They also have to be told, numerous times, to put the toilet seat down.

Yet, I wouldn’t trade them for the world. They have shown me a side of men that I have never seen before. They love furiously, care deeply, and guard wholeheartedly anyone they treasure.

They are the product of a single Mom, beating statistics that are constantly being thrown at our Latino men.

I won’t lie. It isn’t always easy but it can be done. A single Mother can raise a son without a father.

What can Single Mothers do? Below are 5 Tips To Help Single Moms Raise Sons.

  1. Understand your son. Boys communicate differently than girls. They are action oriented. Give them an outlet, a way to express themselves. My sons used action figures. It allowed them to express whatever emotions they were going through at the moment, without feeling pushed to articulate or describe an emotion they did not fully understand.
  2. Let them be boys. Society has taught us that toys should be gender neutral; as a result, single mothers may push gender neutral toys on their sons. Let them be boys! Give them a chance to be aggressive, to release their testosterone, in a healthy way, without making them feel like their masculinity is an affront and should be hidden.
  3. Look For Examples. Fatherless boys need male role models, someone they can emulate. Seek one out in books, magazines, and in real life. Point out those who are doing things right. Do this often. Your son will retain those moments and recall them as he gets older.
  4. Give him a “Tribe”. Boys need to belong. Help your son by finding him a tribe. This tribe should be one that models healthy masculinity. Some good places to start are with a church group, a club or a sports group.
  5. Don’t belittle your son’s father. Your son is a product of two people, you and his father. By belittling the father, you inadvertently disparage your son. If the separation between you and your child’s father was acrimonious, try to push whatever feeling of anger or bitterness aside. If this is not possible, try to avoid discussions about him until you can.

Let’s talk! Did I miss anything? What would you add or take away from the list? Let us know in a comment. Together, we can raise sons that become great men!

 

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