Life

As children we can be subjected to many acts of violence whether small or large. On television, in child’s play, at school, with friends, our cousins and siblings and even our parents, we can see, hear and feel different aspects of violence. I personally have witnessed, heard and felt it often enough for it to have left an impression.  Even after all of these years.

As an adult, I’d like to think that I could reflect and be mature about those experiences. I don’t know what the circumstances were.  Were the relationships strong, misunderstood or irreparable?  Was it a regular event or a fit of uncontrollable rage?  So much time has passed and I have gone through years of “understanding it” as part of life or at least part of my life. I witnessed and experienced it through a child’s eyes, a child’s perception – where everything is larger than life. Maybe the experiences were actually minor but I interpreted it as major?

These thought have been going round and round in my head lately.

Domestic Violence | LatinaOnaMission.com

Recently, I was informed of an act of violence within my family. Surprisingly enough to me, on this day, I was fuming. Gone was the “understanding”, the “Oh this is part of life” attitude.  It’s like all this old anger and frustration literally came to the top. I cried and yelled and shook my head in disbelief. After all these years, it’s still happening.  Are you kidding me?

Unfortunately, I brought this anger home with me. I was rude to my husband and children. Any little act of disobedient behavior made me scream so loud the back of my head hurt. I had to pull myself away from them.  I shut them out for several hours as I sat with my feelings. I did not explain what was upsetting me even though they were kind and concerned enough to ask. I exercised and showered to calm myself and yet I was still upset.  Why couldn’t I let it go this time? Why couldn’t I accept it again?  Nothing has changed. It wasn’t any different from previous times. It was the same people that I’ve seen fight a million times before, so why was it so hard?

Because I am smarter. I am a grown woman. I am a mom. I am a wife. I am not inexperienced and unwise to the value of a person. I know what its like to have good relationships. Everyone deserves to be respected, appreciated and cherished. I know better.

Do we ever outgrow the effects of domestic violence?

No, we don’t. Some may learn from it, while others learn to do something about it.  But not all. I did.

I spoke out; the tape over my mouth was peeled back.  The little girl inside me finally grew up and said all the things that were wrong with the situation.  Whether these people heal, I can’t know. But I can say I have…for myself, for my family, for my children. The cycle will end with me.

Let’s talk. I spoke out, to heal as best I could, from the effects of domestic violence. It was an act of self-preservation, for myself and my family. Do you think it’s OK to finally say,  “STOP/BASTA, I will not do this any longer?” Let me know your thought in a comment below.

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