Becky here! I’m a new LOAM writer. Just to give a little background, I’m a single Mom of two, living in NYC. I’ve been single for approximately two years and recently decided to jump back into the dating world.
A short time ago I met a man while traveling abroad. Actually, we met on the plane on our way back to NYC. The kicker? We bonded over our fear of flying after we prayed and drowned our fears in Tito Vodas. Life changjng. So life changing that I gave him my number.
Weirdly enough, he didn’t ask for my telephone number, he asked for my email. (Is that common?) No one has ever asked for my email address before. I thought that was strange so I gave him my telephone number instead. He called me that same night and we made plans to go out the next day for lunch. I thought that moved pretty quickly but after wasting two years I was up for it. Plus, he made me laugh and that’s such an important quality.
Lunch was nice but brief so we made plans to meet each other for dinner that night.
Things were going pretty well. We laughed and talked about how we met and saved one another from a frightful plane trip.
It was good.
Then the waitress appeared with the bill. I took out my credit card and reached for it. It was an aguaje. I wasn’t planning on paying the bill. I was expecting him to say, “No, I got it. Don’t worry about it.”
He didn’t.
I know things have changed since I’ve dated. But I recall my ex never let me pay when we first started dating and were getting to know one another. This was new to me! It was only our second date. He should have picked up the tab even if I made a show of paying. He didn’t. And it kind of made me feel a certain way.
I asked my friends to weigh in. To my surprise, they had extremely differing opinions. Some thought I should have paid since I pulled out my card. Another believed, like me, that he should have still picked up the tab or at least gone fifty-fifty. While my last friend, also single, said a woman should never pick up the tab!
Dating after a divorce: who pays? Chime in and let us know what you think in a comment below!
{ 9 comments… add one }
I probably would have done the same thing and I also would have expected him to pay or go half with me. Even if he pays, I cover the tip unless he insisted that it’s all on him even the tip. I understand that many people now will not do this but this is how I like the early dating phase to be. After a while
(I wasn’t finished. )
After a while, things can level out in terms of paying all the time.
Bueno now a days “la mujer paga” but being we are used to the old fashion type of man who does not allow a lady to pay, an I got this geature would have been nice! Then maybe you pick up the tab on the next date but we are in a modern world where the tables have turned 😀 Hope there isn’t another date lol
Maybe I am a little old fashioned but I believe he should have paid for dinner. Even if you pulled out your card, I feel as though he should have kindly declined your offer and picked up the tab. That may have left you feeling as though he is more of a gentleman than you thought. And that possibly would have made you feel more comfortable going out with him again.
As someone that would of made the same initiative of pulling out my card to pay, I do feel he should of made the same move. But hey, we’re all different with different expectations. No wonder it was your just your first date. I definitely would of felt some type of way though and would debate whether there would be date # 2 because if so, I’ll leave my card at home.
I’ve never given it much thought, but I think that in the dating scene today people should take turns. Women wanted to be equal. By having a man pay every time that’s not exactly playing it equal.
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It was nice for you to pay,… Wasn’t that what you wanted to do???? If not why did you take out the credit card? Question are you going on a third date?
Sorry to say this but he sounds married! The initial request for an email instead of a # and not reaching for his credit card all point to a man who does not want to leave a paper trail.
He should pay. I’ve been back to dating for about a year after too many years. If awkward, without going for my purse, I ask 50/50? They usually insist on paying. Great story!
Karen McDonough recently posted..DUDE! WHAT’S UP WITH OUR DATE? (CRICKETS) DID YOU DIE?