“You’re my Wonder Mom.”
My tween proclaimed those words this past week. His back had been badly hurt playing Dodge-ball in school and he could not walk.
Simple tasks, normally taken for granted, seemed insurmountable.
But love moves. It’s not only a noun, but a verb. It propelled me. I helped him bathe, brushed his teeth and helped him relieve himself, before returning him to bed and handing him the TV remote control.
Thank goodness for TV! It gave me some respite. It allowed me to catch my breath and hid my tears.
I have no shame in saying I was scared. I was also beyond exhausted. I had barely slept, hearing every cry of pain, uttered in his sleep.
The day of the incident I raced around the city. I was advised by his school he was going to be taken to Beth Israel because of some pain. As I raced in a cab to the hospital, I received another call. EMT noted my tween had to be taken to Bellevue, a trauma center, instead. “A trauma center” echoed in my head as I changed course.
We spent almost 10 hours in Bellevue’s pediatric trauma unit. We watched a teen come in with stab wounds, heard the cries of a toddler receive stitches, and were moved as a young girl in severe respiratory distress had to receive air and have her lungs x-rayed.
My anxiety level could not take much more. I felt as if a panic attack was coming and needed air desperately. But I couldn’t leave my tween. Not at Bellevue Hospital. Not alone.
The nurse came over and suggested he stay overnight. I couldn’t. In my mind, I knew I should. I also knew I would not be able to keep the panic attack at bay much longer. I felt like a horrible Mom.
I had no one to relieve me, not until Karl, my teen, came home. He was expected Saturday evening, almost 24 hours later.
I told them I would return for a follow-up. I could not stay. My tween was a trooper, he agreed. He knew I was getting edgy. Sadly, with my thyroid issue, he’s witnessed a panic attack before. It was not pretty. Sleep deprivation has that effect on me, so does stress. The resident arranged for a follow-up and we left.
I thank God for the kindness of strangers. The cab driver carried my tween to and from the cab. A gentleman in my building helped me carry him, his bag, my bag and the crutches up the stairs. I know I wouldn’t have been able to do it otherwise.
My tween can now walk. The pain has diminished but has not completely disappeared. The injury caused a bulging disc. The hope is that the pain will diminish with time, that his body will heal itself. Till then, the memories have consumed me.
I’m glad his injury wasn’t worse, that he is healing and walking. Yet, a part of me, continues to hear the whisper, “You’re a horrible Mom.” I feel like I failed him by not remaining in the hospital. I hope that will fade in time as well.
Till then, what holds me together are those four words:
“You’re my Wonder Mom.”
I don’t have a cape, do not have superhuman powers, or superior combat and battle skills, but I have love. Love moves.
UPDATE: My teen told me he sprained his ankle. Sons should really come with a disclaimer.
Photo Credit: Wonder Woman Portrait by bbaltimore, on Flickr
{ 9 comments… add one }
Not once during reading this did “you are a horrible mom” pop into my head quite the opposite! YOU. ARE. AMAZING!
We are often the hardest on ourselves and at times that can be a good thing and at others it can consume us and paralyze us. You. ARE.AMAZING! I am glad he is doing better, I hope that you start doing better too. Both of your health is equally as important.
Gloria recently posted..New York City Teenage Pregnancy Ads
Gloria: Thank you so much for your words! I know as mothers we can be our own worst critic, I’m sure it’s because we want the very best for our kids. I’m just hoping the “wonder” of it all always exceeds the rest. xo
Often times us “Wonder Moms” feel less than so. Thats a normal feeling but you look at him now walking. The decision you made to go back for a follow up was the best at the moment. Perhaps he would’ve taken longer to recover had you not. With that said put your cape on, show your super mom powers and get ready for the next battle as Wonder Mom – you wear it well… xoxo
Amelia: It’s amazing how the title seems so different from our expectations of ourselves. In my mind, I know no one can be a “Wonder Mom”; yet, I want to be that for him, for both of my boys. All mothers do! So, I’ll do as you say and don the cape, before I twirl around and rush off to quell another childhood disaster! Btw, I really do think kids should have a disclaimer – it’s not at all like the fairy tales we heard as we were growing up! LOL
I cannot tell you how many times I have felt like a “selfish” mother. There have been times when I disregard a stuffy nose or a cough. I say “Ah, he’ll be fine to later see it develop into a full blown cold/fever/vomiting — you get the picture. Truth be told – I’m tired a lot of the time – I have been through so many false alarms that I don’t take too much to heart. We are human and have adapted to the false alarms the best way we can. My kids, as well as yours, know momma will be there when things get rough – As long as you are there/present/in the moment – you’ve got it covered.
Migdalia, your kids are lucky to have you. Love does move, especially us mothers. It’s like that adrenaline people get when they’re involved in an accident and they are moving heavy things and on auto-pilot for a while. We do anything for our kids, but conversely we do have our limits .You’d be useless to the Tween had you had a panic attack, I’m glad Karl the wonderful big brother that he is and helps you out as he does. I hope those boys heal very soon! Besos!
Amanda recently posted..Perplexed about Child Pageantry
Oh boy you have been busy!!! Ouch!!! I’m glad he’s able to walk. He might have back problems the rest of his life though. You are a good mom, not a bad mom! Things happen!
Alissa Apel recently posted..WW: Green {Linky}
I agree with Gloria “) – go mom! Hope A feels better.
Aww Migdalia. I was following via Facebook and you appeared so brave there. So very sorry. There will be a day when you look back and know that God’s grace sustained you through this season. You are a wonderful, inspiring Mom and it is okay for you to rest, too.
Praying that his back quickly heals.
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