Over the past few years, I’ve been utterly focused on caring for my family, pushing my own needs and wants to the side. I realized just how much when I recently saw a photo of myself. There I was unaware that the picture was being taken. I wasn’t dressed up. I wasn’t posing. I wasn’t smiling. It showed the real me. And, I looked so unhappy.
I’d lost myself. I’d forgotten who I was. There was no joy, no spark. I saw no remnant of the woman I used to be. My sparkle, my shine, had dimmed. I was no longer Migdalia. I was a label: mother, writer, entrepreneur. Not a whole person but a fraction of a whole, segmented depending on the occasion, on the need. And, I was tired.
I was tired of juggling all the balls in the air. I was tired of caring for others. I was tired of running.
It had to stop. I had to stop running. And so I did.
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This year is my year of self-discovery. I’ve taken a step back from a lot. I’m aware that not everyone can do this. My sons are older now – 17 and 24. I no longer have to take care of all their needs. They can cook, wash clothes and take care of their daily needs. For these reasons and so many others, I’ve been able to take a step back and focus on me without too much guilt.
Through fits and starts, I’ve been breaking the chains that were suffocating me. I am still a mother, writer, and entrepreneur, but these are only labels. I am so much more than that. I am a woman, wholly woman.
Shown: 5th & Mercer, Faux Leather & Jersey Skirt; Matching Vest no longer available
I have given myself permission to get out, have fun and begin dating again. I’m embarrassed (and angry with myself!) for closing that door several years ago. Honestly, I feel old. Dating has changed so much! I don’t want a hook-up. I want to get to know the person. I want to dress up. I even brought a red dress, just in case. I ultimately want to be courted, but my friends tell me that’s no longer done (Please tell me that’s not true!).
In Spanish, there is a saying, ¡Yo voy por ti!” which can loosely be translated to mean “I’m rooting for you”. Today, yo voy por mí, I am rooting for me. I am choosing myself, again. I am relearning to see myself, first and foremost, as a woman, with wants and needs.
Let’s talk! As a caregiver, do you often get bogged down in others needs and forget your own? How do you overcome this?
Also, feel free to share your dating tips and let me know what you think of the red dress. I caught a great sale at ShopBop. Use code GOBIG19 on their site now to get up to 25% off your purchases. *Click here to shop ShopBop’s sale.
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