As a child, I played with dolls. I had all types of dolls. Dolls that drank from a bottle, wet their diapers and called me “Mama”. They listened when I talked, sat still as I read bedtime stories and went to bed when I said they should. They never complained, rolled their eyes or sassed off. They were perfect.
Fast forward several years and real life burst that bubble of motherhood.
I now have two rambunctious sons. They are very different from the dolls I grew up with. They don’t sit when they go to the restroom, don’t need their hair wrapped and can’t go shoe shopping with me. They make loud noises and release foul odors at the most inappropriate time. They also have to be told, numerous times, to put the toilet seat down.
Yet, I wouldn’t trade them for the world. They have shown me a side of men that I have never seen before. They love furiously, care deeply, and guard wholeheartedly anyone they treasure.
They are the product of a single Mom, beating statistics that are constantly being thrown at our Latino men.
I won’t lie. It isn’t always easy but it can be done. A single Mother can raise a son without a father.
What can Single Mothers do? Below are 5 Tips To Help Single Moms Raise Sons.
- Understand your son. Boys communicate differently than girls. They are action oriented. Give them an outlet, a way to express themselves. My sons used action figures. It allowed them to express whatever emotions they were going through at the moment, without feeling pushed to articulate or describe an emotion they did not fully understand.
- Let them be boys. Society has taught us that toys should be gender neutral; as a result, single mothers may push gender neutral toys on their sons. Let them be boys! Give them a chance to be aggressive, to release their testosterone, in a healthy way, without making them feel like their masculinity is an affront and should be hidden.
- Look For Examples. Fatherless boys need male role models, someone they can emulate. Seek one out in books, magazines, and in real life. Point out those who are doing things right. Do this often. Your son will retain those moments and recall them as he gets older.
- Give him a “Tribe”. Boys need to belong. Help your son by finding him a tribe. This tribe should be one that models healthy masculinity. Some good places to start are with a church group, a club or a sports group.
- Don’t belittle your son’s father. Your son is a product of two people, you and his father. By belittling the father, you inadvertently disparage your son. If the separation between you and your child’s father was acrimonious, try to push whatever feeling of anger or bitterness aside. If this is not possible, try to avoid discussions about him until you can.
Let’s talk! Did I miss anything? What would you add or take away from the list? Let us know in a comment. Together, we can raise sons that become great men!
{ 6 comments… add one }
Thank you for this post!! I am not a single mom but I feel like I can still use these tips. I am at my wits end with my son lately. He is 7 and we try our best to be good role models. We have been getting calls from school that he is not listening, talking to much, has too much energy, etc etc. He’s been really sneaky and lies about the smallest things. We get so angry because we feel if we let him get away with these little things, they will later turn into much bigger lies/problems. He doesn’t want to be in any sports, he just likes video games, which I’ve taken away. He has friends but its so hard for us to make play dates as our schedules don’t allow it. I have no idea what to do anymore. HELP!
I was a single mom of a boy and it’s tough work! I love the let boys be boys part especially, it’s true boys are boys and girls are girls. Different needs they need to express in their own ways….great article x
A fantastic post & great tips. I have a son from a previous marriage. Unfortunately, we had a difficult marriage, but my son & I had and still have a great relationship. A majority of the time we were on our own because my ex-husband would come in & out of our lives, but my son & I always remained strong. Today, I am always supportive to any and all Single Moms. We can do it & we will do it!
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Great article and kudos to you to raising two young men. I’m not a single mom but as a mom of 2 boys, I agree that they do love with everything in them. I have been hospitalized on many occasions and they have been so strong and loving and protective. There’s nothing like raising two boys. I love the idea of finding them a tribe. My husband was raised by a single mom and was so thankful for his tribe of friends and men in the community and church which helped him to be the great dad he is today. Thanks for sharing!
Hi Migdalia. Another great post from an amazing single mama! Thanks for sharing.
@ Desirre – I’m a licensed bilingual mental health counselor and I’ve some questions for you. Is your son showing the same behavior at home the the school is calling you about? If so, it sounds as if your son may have ADHD. I’d recommend that you have him evaluated at a mental health clinic to make sure. Then you can take the steps you need to help him. PS – I’m a single mom of two boys. My 13 year old has ADHD and I’ve got a 3.5 month old baby that’s teething. lol So I get your frustration. Good luck and God bless. 🙂 Heiddi
This is a great post! I think you really nailed it. I love the Find them a Tribe tip. I agree that it’s important for boys to have a group of strong males around them.