Today, I will not focus on those errors, or even who I selected as the fathers. Today, I will forget the former things; I will not dwell on the past.
Today, my heart is full.
Today, I am celebrating one of the things that came out right. I am celebrating my son, Karl, and how far he has come. Not because of anything that I did. I am far from perfect. My parenting skills are flawed. He received lots of bruises, cuts and scrapes, as well as, stitches while in my care. I made many mistakes along the way; however, the one thing I know I did right was love. I loved my son, unconditionally, unabashedly, through the good and the bad. I loved him with the fierceness of a lioness, ready to fight for her cub. And fight I did.
It was love that motivated my every deed. My parenting skills may have seemed unorthodox at times, particularly within my familia/family, where chancletasos/spankings were common and machismo was very much alive. I believed in time-outs and inventive punishments. I also believed that boys could step outside that “machismo” box, to talk about their feelings, to feel comfortable enough to cry, to know that they could, and should, experience every single emotion, not just anger, without feeling condemned.
Karl has come a long way, a very, very long way. I won’t go into the issues. They aren’t my story to tell. However, I will say I almost lost him to the streets, to his friends, to his anger. Thankfully, we found an anchor during that time. Karl found Christ. He changed Karl. He changed us all. He made a difference in our lives. Because my love, a Mother’s love, could never have filled that hole Karl felt inside, no matter how hard I tried.
It wasn’t easy. Karl and I had many hurdles to overcome. Many times I thought we wouldn’t survive, or if we did, that I would go mad in the process. Yet, it was during those moments that we grew. We grew wiser, and most importantly, closer.
And today, I sing praises to Our King!
In His infinite mercy, He has blessed Karl with what I could never have given him. He has blessed Karl with a 4 year scholarship to Wheaton College in Massachusetts that’s worth $175,000+!
Now the time is drawing near to when Karl must go out on his own. I have done all I can. As much as I will miss him, I know my job is not to hold on to him, but to give him wings to fly.
And so I will.
With tears in my eyes and a song in my heart, I will watch him collect his diploma this coming June 2012. My first born, His son, has overcome, becoming the man God always intended him to be.
“He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power. Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.” – Isaiah 40:29-31
Karl’s Session at SxSW 2011
Soar high my Son. Without fear, without restraints, and never let go of His Right Hand.