Feb

13

Valentine’s Day From the Eyes of a Wife

by Jeanette Luis

Opinion Piece: Valentine’s Day From the Eyes of a Wife, first published on Latina On a Mission

Married Couple©Crazy80frog | Stock Free Images & Dreamstime Stock Photos

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and I feel the  pressure mounting. Valentine’s Day comes with expectations.  In my heart, I know I’m setting myself up for disappointment. Yet, it doesn’t matter. Valentine’s Day is a test day for me – to see how we, as a married couple, are doing. Have we changed? Are we taking each other for granted? Are we still romantic with one another? Valentine’s Day is my gauge in the relationship meter.

Many women fortunately get excited but I get apprehensive. Will he get me a great Valentine gift? Will he even remember? I start to think will I be pleasantly surprised or will I just get pissed off?

I remember one Valentine’s Day where we had a HUGE fight. What set it off, you wonder? He asked me “so, what do you want to do today?” I wanted to punch him in the head.

With all the rushing home after work and checking into my second job of wife and mom, all I want is for him to think ahead. I am not high maintenance. I actually require very little. I know dinner out may be difficult with children in the mix or it may be expensive with restaurants hiking up their prices because of the holiday and I take that into consideration. I am fine with a pretty box of chocolates, a heartfelt hug and kiss, his picking me up from work, and a little alone time. But no, I get “so, what do you want to do today?”

Man w. flowers taking lead | Latina On a MissionDecisions are what I make all day – at work, during my commute, with my children. I run this ship. On Valentine’s Day, I don’t want to be the boss or the leader. I want to be the follower. Please take the lead, show me a lovely time.

Part of my apprehension is the day after Valentine’s Day when friends and coworkers ask, “What did you do for Valentine’s?” or “Where did your honey take you?” Wondering if I’ll I have something interesting to say, or have to dodge the question, causes a pit in my stomach.  I’m a terrible liar.  More than not, I’ll just come clean and say, “Eh, it was alright”.

I want to say, my husband is a great guy. He’s funny and charming. He picks me up from wherever, whenever. I can always count on him to “save” me from my screw-ups. But the truth is he is not the most well planned out person – unlike me. I think ahead. I jot down birthdays and special events. If I see a gift that seems to fit someone in my life (including his side of the family), I purchase it and save it for a special occasion in which to give it to them. With my two jobs, I still have time to do these things. I still have time to get him a special gift. He’s had time. Valentine’s Day falls on the same day every year. Yet, every Valentine’s Day I’m left wondering … what will he do?

I know you should never expect for someone to be the way you want them to be – your setting yourself up for a let down. You must choose to accept them for who and what they are. This is what I say when dishing out advice to my friends. Truth is, I seriously need to take my own advice.

Now don’t feel bad for me. I have accepted the fact that the red carpet will not roll out for me on Valentines Day. I know I am putting a whole lot of weight on this one day especially when the other 364 days of the year he’s pretty cool.  We have a good time together. I need to appreciate all the little Valentine gestures throughout the year. He shows me his love with the errands he runs for me, the people he speaks to on my behalf, and when he picks up my favorite ice cream, to name a few. His love is not only expressed on Valentine’s Day but all year round.

With all that, I still can’t help but wonder, did we pass the test?

 

Let me know your thoughts. Can you relate? What do you love or not love about Valentine’s Day?

About the Author

Jeanette was born and raised in New York, but her family hails from the Isla del Encanto / Island of Enchantment. She is a Spanglish speaking, beauty loving, fashion seeking, Latina Mami of two and wife of one. Love her posts? Follow her on Twitter.

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Eileen Carter-Campos February 13, 2013 at 1:06 pm

Jeanette,
Great post!!
I love your honesty- and the fact that your guy is an overall wonderful guy!
No one is perfect and of course we can’t judge someone on just one day out of the year. The fact that you are together and are present for one another supersedes everything else. I, personally don’t get hung up on VDay Bc I don’t need chocolates or a card for my hubby to show he loves me and is in love with me- and I know you don’t either!
Big hugs honey- you’re blessed!!!
Xo
Eileen Carter-Campos recently posted..The Meaning of True Love

2 Skink February 13, 2013 at 1:14 pm

My wife and I don’t do V-Day. We just never have. We do things on a daily basis for each other and don’t wait for a day that has been taken over by the commercial markets to do something special. We tell each other constantly that we love each other. I tell her daily how beautiful / wonderful / smart / great wife / mother / friend I think she is. She tells me the same thing. We constantly do little things for each other – flowers, a phone call, a card, a text, an email, a spicy night between us.

3 Lisann February 13, 2013 at 1:48 pm

love the raw truth here! the way each person shows love is different. You in your plannig and he in his saviour-ness. So wonderful you acknowledge he is amazig but know that he means well when he asks what do you want to do, bc he wants to please you. Communicate it and tell him to execute it. Yout VDay will be wonderful bc it is so clear that it will be full of love. Ps Check out the 5 love languages. Good read on this topic. Best, Li
Lisann recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: If You’d Like To Make A Call

4 Monique February 13, 2013 at 3:26 pm

I love Valentine’s Day, but wish it wasn’t so commercialized! One part of me wants the hubby to go all out, but then I think he should be doing stuff like this every day. Ugh…I’m no use. LOL!
Monique recently posted..What the Heck is this #MySmarterCommerce Hash Tag?

5 Sabrina February 13, 2013 at 6:14 pm

Enjoyed reading this…at some point in our life, I think we can all relate.

6 Divina February 13, 2013 at 6:22 pm

Thank you for the post and your complete honesty! At our house we do not exchange gifts but do something together. Whether its a nice meal, a new adventure or a thing for the house so it takes the pressure off. Enjoy your day and know that whatever you do, just celebrate each other.
Divina recently posted..(Video) Free the Children Event in NYC #Weday

7 Yvonne Condes February 13, 2013 at 8:40 pm

And that’s why I hate Valentine’s Day. There are so many expectations. It’s hard not be disappointed even if you don’t believe in it. My husband and I always give each other candy now. We can’t go wrong there.
Great post!
Yvonne Condes recently posted..BookEnds, Scrabble & a Gala Giveaway #ScrabbleChallenge

8 Suzanne Placa February 16, 2013 at 12:48 pm

Love means never expecting and always appreciating what your husband does for you. I would rather have him go food shopping and cook me dinner 20 times throughout the year than make a big deal out of a commerical holiday.

I always wonder what the ones that do all this over above and beyond on one day are making up for. Possibly doing nothing to build and grow a relationship all year long?

Very well said my friend. Most women would kill for the type of marriage you have! He is a wonderful guy and treats you like royalty. EFF Valentine’s Day. LOL!

9 Tammy February 17, 2013 at 4:04 pm

What a wonderful article. valentines day is so overrated … But nonetheless,it is nice to know how much you’re loved and appreciated on any given day. So whether its on valentines day or not you should never pass up the opportunity to say… You know what I wanna do honey?.. Punch you in the head, but I won’t cause I’d rather kiss you for being you.

10 Patricia February 23, 2013 at 7:06 pm

I love it. You know it is a love hate relationship with Valentine’s Day.

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